RANDOM, JUMBLED THOUGHTS TONIGHT
I have been so busy with things that I just need to write them down so I don't have to stress any more about remembering the good and forgetting the bad. So whats first on my mind tonight, you ask?! Finding mini-me a babysitter for my crazy, unset work schedule. I have my family babysitting on the days they don't work which are Monday, Tuesday and Saturday. I owe them tons for helping us out these last 2 months. I know that Hadleigh has really enjoyed going to Papa and Nana's( as she calls them) house. She thinks Pono is the funniest guy and the Kai is the cuddle bug he tries to hide. She has also been able to spend some days up with Grandma Clark and the cousins and I am absolutely positive those were some of her favorite days. She has a soft spot in that little heart of hers for her cousin Mack. She likes to follow Mya around copying whatever she does.
Anyways, I have been lucky enough to find someone for Wednesdays. I worked up the courage to ask Alex if she would be able to. She is the person I trust the most with my daughter, next to family. Well, I guess she is family. You see- Alex is Sammy's mom... you know... my Sammy...OUR Sammy. I know that Nicolas really wants a little sister so this will be good practice (hopefully) for the future!
So I have Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Saturday done. Now I need to find someone who will watch my lovey (for free or cheap) Thursday and or Friday. I have had some offers and have some numbers to call so I will undoubtedly figure it out tomorrow. I am just stressed about being able to find someone trustworthy enough to take care of my daughter.
Second thing on my mind... Am I doing the right thing? Am I being a good mom? Do we really need the income? I was freaking out about our financial situation when we bought the car and getting this job has definitely calmed that fear. And we have needed the extra income for unexpected car issues and other things so it really is a blessing. But is it blessing my daughter too? I dunno!!! I want to stay home with her and have fun all day and take naps (which I miss dearly) But I also want to know that we can make all our bills. There are too many pros and con's to both arguments that I just get confused. What do you think?
Third- I have been struggling with something that someone "said" to other members of our family in June.... Yes, JUNE!! I have never been one to hold grudges (for very long) and I usually don't let "rumors" get under my skin (if its about me solely-others that I love is a different story!) But I have been struggling with this for far too long. The thing that bugs me the most is that it's a lie! If I was rude or had actually said what the person says I did I would admit it. But I didn't. And hurt feelings came from the lie and anger towards me and my husband for the lie has happened and is still happening. I'm an honest person. If I don't like you, or strongly disagree with you I will let you know. But PLEASE give me the respect of not twisting what I said and then embellishing on it to everyone else. And if you do lie.. don't be mad at me for a lie you made up!
I am just way too frustrated about this. And I shouldn't be! This isn't me. I let things go. I don't know what to do. I want to confront the person but I have been told repeatedly that, that wouldn't solve anything. If you have some advice please let me know! I want to live the life of aloha.
Well there you go! The things on my mind tonight. Minus making sure that I get my "to do" list done by the time Jordon gets home from school at about 11:15 tomorrow!
Pray for me to sleep well! I need it! I'm sick and tired... literally and have the next 2 days off and I want to spend it out doing stuff with Hadleigh and the Beast!
I have been so busy with things that I just need to write them down so I don't have to stress any more about remembering the good and forgetting the bad. So whats first on my mind tonight, you ask?! Finding mini-me a babysitter for my crazy, unset work schedule. I have my family babysitting on the days they don't work which are Monday, Tuesday and Saturday. I owe them tons for helping us out these last 2 months. I know that Hadleigh has really enjoyed going to Papa and Nana's( as she calls them) house. She thinks Pono is the funniest guy and the Kai is the cuddle bug he tries to hide. She has also been able to spend some days up with Grandma Clark and the cousins and I am absolutely positive those were some of her favorite days. She has a soft spot in that little heart of hers for her cousin Mack. She likes to follow Mya around copying whatever she does.
Anyways, I have been lucky enough to find someone for Wednesdays. I worked up the courage to ask Alex if she would be able to. She is the person I trust the most with my daughter, next to family. Well, I guess she is family. You see- Alex is Sammy's mom... you know... my Sammy...OUR Sammy. I know that Nicolas really wants a little sister so this will be good practice (hopefully) for the future!
So I have Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Saturday done. Now I need to find someone who will watch my lovey (for free or cheap) Thursday and or Friday. I have had some offers and have some numbers to call so I will undoubtedly figure it out tomorrow. I am just stressed about being able to find someone trustworthy enough to take care of my daughter.
Second thing on my mind... Am I doing the right thing? Am I being a good mom? Do we really need the income? I was freaking out about our financial situation when we bought the car and getting this job has definitely calmed that fear. And we have needed the extra income for unexpected car issues and other things so it really is a blessing. But is it blessing my daughter too? I dunno!!! I want to stay home with her and have fun all day and take naps (which I miss dearly) But I also want to know that we can make all our bills. There are too many pros and con's to both arguments that I just get confused. What do you think?
Third- I have been struggling with something that someone "said" to other members of our family in June.... Yes, JUNE!! I have never been one to hold grudges (for very long) and I usually don't let "rumors" get under my skin (if its about me solely-others that I love is a different story!) But I have been struggling with this for far too long. The thing that bugs me the most is that it's a lie! If I was rude or had actually said what the person says I did I would admit it. But I didn't. And hurt feelings came from the lie and anger towards me and my husband for the lie has happened and is still happening. I'm an honest person. If I don't like you, or strongly disagree with you I will let you know. But PLEASE give me the respect of not twisting what I said and then embellishing on it to everyone else. And if you do lie.. don't be mad at me for a lie you made up!
I am just way too frustrated about this. And I shouldn't be! This isn't me. I let things go. I don't know what to do. I want to confront the person but I have been told repeatedly that, that wouldn't solve anything. If you have some advice please let me know! I want to live the life of aloha.
Well there you go! The things on my mind tonight. Minus making sure that I get my "to do" list done by the time Jordon gets home from school at about 11:15 tomorrow!
Pray for me to sleep well! I need it! I'm sick and tired... literally and have the next 2 days off and I want to spend it out doing stuff with Hadleigh and the Beast!
Hey girl, thanks for your comment on my page, wish we really did live next to each other. I've been nervous for my kids going to daycare because, I don't like daycare but everyone we know are busy and wouldn't be able to handle my two little monsters. I've got full-time school, full-time work and dance and karate for the kids so it's been a hectic life. I'm happy for the millions of blessings pouring out on us though so it's all good, for now lol!
ReplyDeleteThe last part on your post about rumors and so forth, well, I've had alot of that happen to me during my marriage to Peter. Family AND friends were talking about me behind my back, it hurt so much and affected me alot too. I always blamed them and expected an apology so that I can have closure but I never received one so this held me back from growing and moving on. The grudges and unforgiveness were holding me back from being my best self and it affected my family, especially my marriage to my Peter. It sucks, I know. It's not easy to forgive and forget but from my experience, it's all worth it for real. Our energy should be towards our own little family and I've mastered the attitude about not caring what people say. I hope you find peace soon with yourself and with whoever it is all coming from. Sorry for my novel comment, haha but please do take care sister :-)
Heather!!! I love your blog! Loved the pictures from the cabin that looked like so much fun! I miss you guys and Hadleigh! I am coming home this weekend for the fair maybe we could all see each other, get together or something?! I hope that you have gotten all of your worries figured out... I am glad you have found a babysitter and wish that I could help out!
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